Relationships are essential. It is through our connections with others, both past and present, that we are able to find ourselves. If you look back over your own personal relationship history, you can assess your values, determine your goals, reveal your wants, and extrapolate your needs. You can also use your past relationships to establish healthier connections in the present. I think that the types of relationships we crave say a lot about us. For instance, I’m a big proponent of close, deep, intimate friendships. I share my deepest thoughts and feelings with my friends and invite them to divulge a lot about their innermost selves as well.
Yet, I don’t delude myself into believing that everyone wants to connect on such deep levels. My mother is a wonderful example of this. The woman would rather go to the dentist than to therapy and, by her own admission, doesn’t want to share intimately. Now, I love my mother with all my heart and she loves me with all of hers. But, we’re different. And that’s okay. I share this with you because I think it’s important for each of us to figure out who we are and to live lives that reflect our own deepest wishes and desires.
In terms of the level of connectedness that we seek, there is no right way and no wrong way to be. I invite you to ask yourself what types of relationships are best for you and then cultivate those types of connections.
Phonetically, the word intimacy sounds like in-to-me-see. Do you need more in-to-me-see in your relationships? If so, create it by letting people see inside your heart and know you at the level of your soul.